It’s Such A Shame For Us To Part – Post Study Abroad in China

27 Aug It’s Such A Shame For Us To Part – Post Study Abroad in China

The Great Wall, Beijing, China 

I spent 5 months building my life in China with my new friends, family, professors, and my students. I eventually adapted well and got along with my peers. I got to experience working abroad and developing relationships with locals. I basically dropped my life in Vancouver and started over in China. I also had the opportunity to travel the country with so much happiness. It was sad to say see you later to everyone but to someone you are in love with was the hardest especially when both people want different things in life.

In my solo backpacking adventures, I mentioned in one of my lessons that learning to let go was the hardest one for me. During this time, I reflected on every aspect of my life and finally let go of everything that held me back from moving forward especially my previous long term relationship. The relationship prior to that was 3 years long, summing it up to the last decade of my life being in a relationship. It took me a really long time to heal. I needed the time to be alone. So it was such a liberating experience to move forward with loving myself, opening my mind to people, culture, and saying yes to life. I didn’t say no to the men who wanted to get to know me even though my walls were up high. It was interesting trying to communicate with english as everyone’s second language especially when it came to dating. People really like to beat around the bush. It’s like why can’t you just tell me you don’t like this food or why do you always have to pay for everything or tell me you feel emasculated because I don’t act the way you want me to?? Regardless, I decided to go with the flow. I’m in their world right?

I didn’t know I would fall in love with someone halfway through the semester who happened to be my best friend. So cliche right? I was really reserved about sharing this but I felt like this was such a big part of my growing this year that I’m not afraid to tell you that I loved again. I’d like to introduce to you, Amaluddin. The man who stole my heart. He was also an exchange student in my program from Brunei and his first language is Malaysian. I bet most of you don’t even know where Brunei is, cause I sure didn’t. If you’ve been following my posts, then you may have seen him in my volunteering abroad piece.

Pearl River Cruise, Guangzhou, China

Amaluddin and I shared many of the same principles, core values, and outlooks on life. At the beginning of my semester, I found myself finding it hard to develop a good connection with people in China. Although I felt like I was holding back a bit because I felt so different from the rest. Which I will later tell you more about in my next blog “A Sky Full Of Stars – Studying Abroad in China”. I didn’t fit in. Eventually done the road, I met the few gemstones and it was all I needed. That’s when my time in China changed. It’s such a lovely memory when I think back to how we met. I had no idea who he was till he added me on WeChat with the tagline “Hey its Amal from Chinese class”. I’m like who the hell is this and he had a horrible display picture. I wanted to be more open minded and make new friends so I accepted the request. Then we sent a few messages here and there. Then a few of us from our Chinese class (that I dropped 3rd week in) decided to go for dinner one night and Amaluddin just bombarded me all evening with questions. I remember turning to my roommate and making a statement later on about how curious he was. I’m not going to lie though, I did think he was super cute when I finally saw him in person. After a few group hangouts and getting to know each other, I asked Amaluddin if he wanted to go for a walk around campus. This is how our friendship grew.  As I was trying to figure out China and where my place was there, he always took the time to listen to me when things got tough.  He was always such a gentleman, so romantic, wanted to put a smile on my face and always had such a positive attitude. I realized that at some point that he nurtured me in a way that allowed me to be okay with continuing to love myself. Amaluddin showed me how much he loved me through his actions everyday even though we were just friends at first. He was one of the most persistent people I’ve ever met. He always made effort to say good morning, good night, always asked how I was doing even when I was traveling out of city and finding ways to spend time with me. I was like how did I get so fortunate to have a best friend like this? Somewhere down this road, we both knew we were in love with each other.

Jinan University, Guangzhou, China

As the days went by, we slowly started spending more and more time together.  I could feel people around us noticing this as well. We eventually spent every single day for the rest of the semester together. Although I’m not surprised that I got attached. I felt so comfortable with myself around him. He brought out a side of me that I didn’t show most people. My inner child. I want to say maybe its because I’m on exchange but my situation and responsibilities from home didn’t change. I still had to work, go to school, and pay my bills. It was all because we opened our minds and hearts. Timing is everything.

Shwedagon Pagoda, Yangon, Myanmar 

At this point, we did everything together that I’m pretty certain people got sick of seeing us together all the time but we didn’t care. We also had a business class together. Occasionally, I would join him to lift weights. We tried new foods together and went for nightly walks around campus. We survived Ramadan and finals in the same month together. I learned about his religion, we went to the mosque, I only consumed liquids during my baby fast, and we talked about our beliefs. We didn’t judge each other. Some of you are wondering, did you ever fight? Yes. We did fight and it was super intense with a lot of emotions. I suppose it’s what happens when two people are very passionate. I got annoyed at times because he pissed me off but never sick of him. Which surprised me because I use to be an easily irritated person. We grew mentally with our conversations about our future/personal development, physically, emotionally by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and spiritually by creating our own culture within each other that we both accepted while exploring the world. We made it work everyday by being present with each other and choosing to stay even when things got tough.

Tiger Leaping Gorge, Yunnan Province, China

I wanted to take a moment to share some of the memorable times I had with learning to love again with someone that will always have a place in my heart despite all circumstances. After our exchange, he cancelled his flight home and booked a ticket to come travel with me. On our 1/3 of weeks traveling post student exchange together, we fought everyday. I felt like giving up on multiple occasions because it was so exhausting to argue. We saw each other a lot, but now it was 24 hours around the clock. They say traveling makes you stronger as a couple because of everything you endure and I couldn’t believe we survived it all.  I saw him at his best, worst, to decision making, budgeting, accommodations, activities and compromises. When shit hit the fan and we had to figure out what to do, we found ways to make it work even when I was a volcano and moody. We lived everyday like it was our last. It was fun, healthy, and filled with laughter. Our cultural differences didn’t seem to matter anymore because in the end it was just us, no one else. Saying goodbye on our last day at the airport was the hardest thing I’ve ever felt. The tears streamed down our eyes.  I had never in my life experienced the agony I had flying home to Vancouver. I didn’t even care that I cried the whole flight home and everyday for the first two weeks back. I didn’t think it was going to be that hard. I have no regrets with any of my choices because in the end, I would rather have felt something than nothing at all. Every memory and lesson was worth it.

Lijiang, Yunnan Province, China

My gratitude goes out to all my previous significant others in my life. You know who you are. For working past the hardships that came with the relationship, becoming better friends than when we started, and being open to evolving to something else. For being there for me during my depression and supporting me during my study abroad. I learned a lot about myself. Every time I move on, I move on with a better version of myself. I know what works for me and how much I am willing to compromise. A lot of people wonder how we can still choose to be in each others life because its so hard with the history and pain that comes with it. What about everything you’ve been through and all the memories you shared with this person? This person was a part of your life. We are all imperfect human beings trying to make our way in this life.  You don’t have to talk everyday or be best friends but the ability to pick up the phone and say “Hey, how are you doing?”. Although, this may not be for everyone. Everyone moves on differently and it has to be a two way street. It’s such a shame that I’ve parted with each one of you for different reasons but its made me stronger for it and I thank you.

I didn’t think I would ever open my heart to someone new as I did during my student exchange. I was thinking its short term, different culture, religion, its not what I want etc…  but love is crazy, beautiful, and messy all at once. My friends tell me its only been 5 months, how is that possible to love someone? We chose to pick each other everyday even though we knew it was going to end. If that’s not love then I don’t know what is. I’m so glad I took that risk with him because I now know I can love another wholeheartedly. Life is so short so you might as well do what you want people! If you love someone, go for it. Follow your heart especially if it makes you happy and keep doing so until otherwise. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I look forward to what is to come when the right person walks into my life again. Although some days are really hard without him now, I got to learn to love again and that is the best gift I got from Amaluddin.

Koh Tao, Thailand